your thong is hanging out like whoa
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So here I am, sexting at work.
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