What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
