I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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