omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
