Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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