I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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