Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
