I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
