I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
