like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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