you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
