I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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