just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
