my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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