I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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