Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
