Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you had me at cake vodka
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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