he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I had to cum in my sink.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
