Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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