walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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