Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
