Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
