I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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