At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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