I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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