i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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