Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
