I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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