Pregnant stripper...not hot.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
