Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
