I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
