also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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