well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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