i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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