We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
