Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Is it because I queefed?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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