Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
