so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
