watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
