Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
