All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
