I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it's like iHOP with fire
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
