I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
