Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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