I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
