omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
