and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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