On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
