My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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