To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
